Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

“I’m sorry.” It’s amazing how much hurt or pain or frustration or anger is lifted off one’s shoulders when this statement is offered up as a personal sacrifice and a balm used to ease a bruised ego or upset heart. When was the last time you told someone that you were sorry, that you apologize for harming their well-being? I am always surprised at how easy it is for us to say “I’m sorry” in the day-to-day happenings such as when we forget to return a pen or paperclip to a co-worker that we borrowed from their desk. Or when we interrupt someone’s conversation. Or when we take a bit too much time at the McDonald’s drive-thru trying to find the exact change for your Southern Style Chicken Sandwich with extra pickles & and large Triple Thick Vanilla Milk Shake.*
Nevertheless, such trivial episodes in our lives for whatever reason elicit this weighty statement. However, when we hurt someone, whether intentionally or not, we seem to lose the capacity to issue this statement that is otherwise so easy to say. Why is it that the moments in which our whole being should submit an apology, we choke?

“I’m sorry” has saved friendships, relationships, and families. It’s yielded perspective and alternatives during situations where neither party wanted to compromise. It’s enabled our common humanity in times of war and chaos. It’s initiated dialogue between various peoples & nations. It’s ended arguments that may never have suffered resolution. It’s created peace.

“I’m sorry” is so profound a statement that it not only eases our spirits when we hear it from someone who has wronged us; but, it also comforts us when we apologize to ourselves. When was the last time you told yourself that you were sorry? For not acknowledging your abilities and talents? For succumbing to fear, gossip, or negativity? For not enabling your potential? For not listening to your conscience? For not respecting yourself? For not being AUTHENTIC? (ßreal talk.)

Let’s make this interactive. Today check me out on Twitter @ www.twitter.com/envyoftheworld. Within your realm of comfort, tell me some of the people or situations or issues for which you wish to apologize. Start with yourself first. For instance, your message will go as follows:

“I’m sorry: 1. B/C I chose not to prepare for my tests. 2. B/C I underestimated the parentals & their awesomeness. 3. B/C I haven’t accomplished as much recreational reading as I know I have time to accomplish.”

Now, if you don’t Tweet, please feel free to leave a comment in the same format. However you choose to participate or if not at all, please know that we are all entitled to an apology if someone harms us or if we harm ourselves. Take some time to apologize to yourself and to someone. And the next time you say “I’m sorry,” please realize the power you hold. It’s mighty.

Till next time…

Stay up. Stay real. Stay AUTHENTIC.

mic

MIC ON MONDAY: Thank you for being a friend...even if you're a bad one.

Good day, AUTHENTIC!

I'd first like to offer a "Thank you" to one Ms. Bea Arthur. She was an American comedienne, actress, and singer. In a career spanning seven decades, Arthur achieved success as the title character, Maude Findlay, on the 1970s sitcom Maude, and as Dorothy Zbornak on the 1980s sitcom The Golden Girls; she won Emmys for both roles.(Source) Sadly, she passed on Saturday, 25 April. Corny as it may sound, her passing made me reflect on The Golden Girls and the golden girls in my life. That being said, I openly admit that this post is on some TMI ‘ish. That being said, sit yo’self down and humor me. I got woman issues.

I received a call from a girlfriend around ten o’clock one night. She and I had shared space and time for almost a year, and it was evident that we were close. I was not oblivious to the fact that she was not in favor of what she considered to be my “lifestyle,” but during the season we shared together, I chose to cultivate our friendship despite my reservations about her deeming my existence & expression as a black gay man in America a “lifestyle” and less than hers. Nevertheless, during what started out as one of our daily phone chats, she pierced my eardrum & more importantly my heart as she said, “It pisses me off that you CHOOSE to live this way!” Silence followed. I did not contact for two months. I then sent her a letter that stated she had no place in my life, but that I did appreciate the good times we spent together. Time passed, and then we agreed to meet. Actually, it was more about me visiting home, and being from a small town, my visit would have been reported. And not wanting to be a bad Southern gentleman, I let her know that I’d be in town and that we could meet up. In the back of my mind I knew this would be a means to add closure to the demise of our friendship.

Fast forward to a week ago.

She leaves a very emotional message on my voicemail crying that she wants to know what she did wrong that would end our friendship. FYI: she’s been calling for almost a year after my visit home, however, I have not answered any of her calls. Did she forget her previous asinine behavior?

Now here’s my question: When is a friendship worth salvaging? When is it worth letting go? What are some issues/actions that may possibly cease a friendship? SIDENOTE: I’m in no way interested in salvaging this relationship.




Thank you all for being a friend.

P.S. be great today. be AUTHENTIC.

mikey loves ya'!

Mic on Monday: An apple a day...

Open your mouth, stick out your tongue, & say, "AAAAAAaaaaUTHENTIC!"

No HMO needed. This is just a check-up.

How's your Post-it Note sticking nowadays, or rather, how are you sticking to your Post-it Note?

You betta ack like you know what I'm talkin' bout!

Remember this.

[Cue dream sequence HERE.]

<<<Press Play.>>>

I thought I told ya'...that we won't stop.

I thought I told ya'...that we won't stop...being AUTHENTIC.

Pull out the pastels and pick up your Post-it Note for 2009. It's Springtime!

Remember: We're never closer to greatness than when we're walking foward arm in arm with fear and promise, our eyes on the horizon, our feet on the ground.

get up.

get real.

get AUTHENTIC.

m./e

Mic on Monday: Opening Doors

Good day, AUTHENTIC!

Young men are taught to open doors for ladies. Young women are taught to enter these doors and cross these thresholds. However, when a young man fails to open a door for a lady or when a young woman fails to enter the door and cross the threshold, both are considered deviants or less than man or less than woman.

This weekend my boyfriend took me on a tour of the local aquarium. The animals, the sea life, the people were great. The smells...not so much. But I digress. During one portion of the tour, I witnessed a young girl (no more than 3 or 4 years old) standing with her hands akimbo, complaining to her parents. The father was holding the door open for the little girl and her mother. The mother passed through the door and waited for the young girl to follow suit. However, this precious little mama had something on her mind. As I got closer within earshot, I could hear her explaining to her father, "I want to hold the door for myself." The father watched somewhat amused and a bit confused. Enter the mother. Mom recrossed the threshold and squatted down to eye-level for her daughter and said, "When a man holds a door open for you, you walk through it. You are a lady. That's what ladies do."

"But I'm not lady. I'm a little girl," replied the smart little girl...with some stank on it.

"Well, little girls become ladies when they grow up," explained the mother.

"No they don't!"

"Not if they act like you. Now quit causing a scene and get through this door," commanded the mother.

The father had checked out of this exchange and had focused his attention on the growing bundle of people waiting to walk through the door his daughter sought diligently to not walk through. And this is where my pissedoffedness enters. The mother smacked the little girl on the cheek, grabbed her hand, and told the father, "Come on. We gotta go. She's probably just sleepy and cranky."

Views on corporeal punishment aside, this situation upset me and puzzled me.

Why couldn't the parents allow the little girl to open the door for herself? Why did the mother equate ladyhood with crossing thresholds? Why was the father absent from the conversation?

Am I the only person who thinks that this would have been the perfect opportunity for the parents to recognize their daughter's desire for independence as a growing woman? Why did they not encourage her self-reliance?

Ladies of AUTHENTIC, I need answers.

Till next time...

get up.

get real.

get AUTHENTIC.

m./e

The Happiness Chronicles: Cleaning Out Your Friendship Closet (Hater Be-Gone Edition)

What is friendship? It has been said that a friend is one of the most precious gifts we are to receive here on earth. Mr. Oxford defines friendship (noun) as

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends; 2. a friendly relation or intimacy; 3. friendly feeling or disposition.

This concise definition of friendship means one thing: Oxford has never had a friend. Unlike the institution of marriage (I Heart America),anyone who has enjoyed (and endured) the company of a friend knows that friendship is not concise, easy, simple, or even definable. Psychologists argue that friendship is integral to healthy self development. Even religious folk speak the gospel of friendship and the importance of turning the other cheek and the Golden Rule and an eye for an eye and hate those who are not like thee. Well, maybe not the last one. Nevertheless, whether it be the careless days of the sandbox, the shady days of high school, or the Baracking days of the 21st century (the first eight years don't count), friendship and our need for it has existed since the beginning of time (circa 1985 A.D.).

What is a friend?

We all have our own working definition:

"some nigga that makes me laugh and keeps it real and doesn't lie and shit."

--Dre aka random dude standing outside the gym who I assumed wouldn't give me the aforementioned answer. I should know better...not to speak to athletes.

(J/k...I'm an athlete. Yes, dancers are athletes, no matter what my junior high gym teacher says.)

Dre's definition aside, it is important to keep our own definition in mind when embarking upon new friendships and in maintaining old friendships.

Last week I shared my plan for life in 2009, number one on my list being that I will maintain my happiness at all costs.

Let's go back to the future for a moment.

Picture it: Sicily , 1942. My twelfth grade speech course with one Mrs. Wingfield.

I was instructed to decide my worth. Many of my classmates put dollar amounts on themselves. I didn't agree with this interpretation of the assignment because it proved conflicting with that whole 400 years of slavery thing I got going for me. So, I told Mrs. W that I didn't want to complete the assignment. Mrs. W said she didn't want me not to graduate. So, I compromised and, unbeknownst to myself at the time, I wrote a little blurb that I now use when I begin relationships with new people, places, and things:

"I am expensive meaning that I am not without ambition, goals, focus, and energy. I demand life and nothing less, so if you (yes, you!) are not bettering me in any of the aforementioned areas, why, then, should we waste each other's time? I care not to judge other peoples' paths in life, but I refuse to let anyone, anything, any event or situation sully a dream that rightfully belongs to me. This life is mine for the living."




Now, don't get me wrong, I don't recite this word for word every time I begin a new relationship (that would be crazy and exhausting), but I make sure to visit it from time to time so that it's present in my dealings with my friends and might-be friends. I remember the parentals telling me that "you are who you hang with." To some extent, this is true. I believe in energy and the exchange of it. When you surround yourself with positive and progressive people, you, too, enjoy the fruits of this exchange. Likewise, when you surround yourself with negative people, you slowly unravel, your productivity and light diminish. Therefore, it is always good to do an inventory of your friendships when reassessing your life. And in the spirit of New Year's Resolutions, the top of the year is a good time to do so.

When, then, is it time to end a friendship?

My rule of thumb is to release my peeps from duty when they no longer positively exist within the confines of my definition. For me, the key words are 'positively exist'. Those who no longer seem to be traveling parallel to me and my path aka the Yellow Brick Road are free to leave (or they kindly become acquainted with my voicemail and his girlfriend the Busy Signal). When I take my Tact Pills, I actually have a formal conversation with the newly free person, explaining to him/her that we're no longer compatible. But, in this fast paced world, who has time to be tactful? I guess I should add 'tact' to my 2010 New Year's Resolution list.

I have been very blessed to come across some very special people who transcend my definition. Little surprises, I call them, are always nice. These people help me realize that much like the Constitution/the Bible/Vogue Magazine, my definition is always open to interpretation. So, I suppose, that you should let go of someone when the limits of your definition buckle under the pressures of your relationship. If your respective definitions cannot be sustained within the walls of your relationship, then it's time to let go and move on.

As for the haters, they gets no love. They get one line in this post:
They hate. We love. We're incompatible. We let go of the incompatible.

Healthy friendships and relationships are one way in which we maintain our happiness. However, when your counting calories and making your treks to the gym and rocking that new hairdo and trying to hide that ugly and three-sizes too big sweater your Aunt May bought you for Christmas (sorry for personalizing on this one), take some time to evaluate your friendships and booships and booty-call-ships (if there is such a thing). It's still the top of the year, and any changes and new outlooks you wish to exercise and experience can still be titled as a New Year's Resolution. But, even if it takes you until June or November or January 2010 to clean out your friendship closet, change is change, past, present, and future. Make something happen. You'll be glad you did.

just being authentic...till next time!

The Happiness Chronicles: Par Deux

Happy 2009, AUTHENTIC!

Well, happy may not be the term to use. As I mentioned last week, I was unable to answer a really important question: Am I happy? In the spirit of new beginnings and New Year's resolutions, it's important to me to be able to claim my happiness, or at least develop a plan of action that will place me on the road to happiness. I was making my rounds for New Year's Eve day (the pre-cursor to a night of debauchery that I'll save for another day's discussion) and in speaking with my friends and family, I was surprised and, unfortunately, comforted in knowing that they, too, are suffering from this absence of happiness. Now, do not misconstrue my intentions. I do not enjoy people being unhappy or negative. Rather, these revelations served as a wake-up call to me: why are we not happy or if we are happy, why can we not readily locate it? Seriously, where is Happiness? Why is she M.I.A.?

Now, I do believe that all change begins with oneself. Therefore, after mini-wrap sessions with the fam, I realized that I needed to start off 2009 dedicating the better part of my energy to being happy and maintaining my happiness. I'm a control freak and I'm addicted to Post-it Notes. So, while waiting at the barber shop one day, a bored Friday morning doodle gave way my focus for the next 365 days. It's tentative, as all things are, but I'd like to share it with you.

For 2009 my Post-it Note says that I am

1. maintaining my happiness at all costs
2. nurturing my talents...on the daily
3. focusing on servitude within my community, both locally and globally
4. And lastly, but never least, being flyy like only I can be (this includes, but is not limited to, eliminating posers, unmasking truth, and seeking the positive.)

Simple enough, eh?

We are the means to an end. The end being our happiness. January is the start of a twelve month cycle in which we can enrich and enjoy ourselves or continue to exist as drab, empty shells held together with inconsistent labels, yet cracking under the pressures of society's weak sense of the normal or the right or the traditional. I don't know your various stories, but one thing of that I am sure is if we continue to let Happiness pass us by without us acknowledging her or simply checking in with her from time to time, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the gray days ahead.

Choose happiness.

See you next week when we'll discuss Happiness Pt. 3: Cleaning out your Friendship Closet aka The Hater Be-Gone edition.

mic aka the envy of the world

Next Year's Stocking Stuffer

Hope you all enjoyed your various holiday celebrations. For me, the holiday season is a great time to check in with the parentals & get some feedback on life. There are always the usual questions that all parents ask: "How is your job? School? Have you met anyone? How is your mate? How are your finances?"

However, this year I was thrown a curve ball: "Are you happy?"

Huh? What? Peas & carrots?

After realizing that this was not a trick question & that my parents were serious, I was saddened. I couldn't answer the question with a confident 'Yes! I am happy.' I couldn't say no either. It frustrated me that this notion supposedly bestowed upon me by our nation's Founding Fathers (though the jury is still out as to whether or not I am included in that 'We the people') seemed so hard for me to readily locate in my life.

I immediately took a breath & took the most logical action: I did a quick recap of the Cosmo mag "Pillars of Happiness" quiz.

1. Friends: I love all my ho's.
2. Family: Sly & the Family Stone said it best: We are family!
3. Career: It's getting there...
4. Romantic Life: eh? Next question.
5. Health: Call me Fergie, 'cause 'I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness...'

Four out of five isn't too bad. But am I happy? Cosmo didn't help. My happiness was still suspect, & maybe M.I.A.

I haven't given my parents a reply. I want to think this through. I want to know, be sure.

So, my plan for 2009 is to find my happiness. It has to be present because I smile. I laugh. I love. I write. I dance. I sing. I cry. I live.

Where is your happiness?

Find your happiness in 2009.

See you next year!

Just being authentic,
mic