"Any excuse to get some pussy," pierced the aftershave & witch-hazel filled air that surrounded me as I sat in my barber's chair for my weekly haircut. Queen Latifah's image flashed across the shop's television screen. The entertainment news reporter stated that the performer was publicly announcing that she had suffered sexual abuse as a youth. The reporter went on to say that Latifah revealed the abuse to her parents at age 19, but has more recently come to terms with the abuse as an adult.
Queen Latifah is no stranger to media speculation of her sexuality and she's often answered that she's comfortable with whom she is and that the happenings of her intimate relationships aren't open to the public, hence the title "intimate." Sadly & ignorantly a middle-aged black man felt compelled & comfortable enough to say that this woman who has been a positive role model for women of color and women in general was only coming out with her testimony of survival in order to come out as a lesbian & meet little to no resistance from the public because the anti-gay public (especially the black community that is deeply wrought homophobia) would pity her & write off its disdain for her sexual expression. It is a shame that this man, like many ignorant individuals, forges a correlation between sexual assault or abuse & homosexuality. Fortunately, the work of statistics is on the side of reason. Rape or molestation rarely sways an individual’s sexual preference or orientation.
What was most appalling to me as I sat in Chair #3, I listened to several black men dismiss their sister's testimony for folly. Many saw it like the man who felt her admission was a ploy for her future coming out. Others saw it as unfortunate, but they still “knew” she was gay. Neither group understood that her abuse was the subject of the news broadcast & her expression of her intimacy was not. Still, in this ignorance, many of the men applauded her assumed lesbianism as if she was oddly their comrade. "Bitch betta get that pussy. Ain't nothin' wrong with pussy," they laughed.
How do we alleviate the homophobia & misogyny in these familial spaces? The former stems from the latter, but both do not always so conspicuously share the same space.
The barber shop has been a cornerstone of the black community, providing black American men with solace, dignity, & above all else, brotherhood. Its impact & importance has always carried & sustained by word of mouth -- truly legendary. But it wasn’t until rapper-turned-actor-turned-director Ice Cube explored the barber shop’s role in the black community, how it nursed the black male ego, & how it provided a space for dialogue to progress (and regress), encouraging socio-cultural & political discourse. The barber shop is "the black man's country club," as proclaimed in Ice Cube's movie "Barber Shop." Any topic is up for discussion, elder members have “senrority” (seniority), & pussy is always a sweet topic. Sometimes women are discussed, too. As a black man I listened to men who could be my father or uncle or grandfather degrade Queen Latifah's womanhood, dismiss her struggle, & applaud their own assumptions about her sexuality. All was fine until I spoke up & asked "what if she was your sister or your daughter or wife?" As a gay man I empathize with the need to demand my privacy & my humanity without seeming closeted or not proud of whom I am. There's a fine line between lacking pride & being private. My fellow barber shop attendants seemed to feel that Latifah's sexuality should be up for public debate & scrutiny. However, the women in their lives were not to be subjected to such disrespect & intrusiveness. Many of the regulars in the barber shop know that I'm gay & oftentimes I don't think they realize that their opinions are ignorant & offensive. Other times, I’m sure that they know they speak hurt.
Now, don't act like you haven't thought about it. You know you want it. Everyone thinks about it. Most of us do it, often.
The clip included shows one doctor’s efforts to use the barber shop’s nurturing environment to inform & encourage black men to attend regularly scheduled doctor’s appointments. Chicago’s “Project Brotherhood” combats the distrust in a Eurocentric medical pathology that has shown time & time again that it has no regard for the sustaining of the black man, & ultimately dispels the fear of the emasculating experience of placing one’s health in another’s hands. Black men are afraid of doctors because we don’t always comprehend that our greatness can only extend into the next generation if we honor our bodies mentally, emotionally, and physically. Signing up for proper medical & life insurance coverage has been the talk of the town or at least Washington, D.C., for over a year. President Obama mentioned his hopes to reinvent America's healthcare system & has even called for bloggers to aid the cause & spread the word. Congress plans to review the reform bill before the end of its summer session.
The barber shop is part of the black man‘s kingdom, a kingdom that requires his greatest health; a kingdom that he did not build & cannot maintain by himself. Hopefully, “Project Brotherhood” and programs like it will encourage black men to respect the Queen. There can be no U.N.I.T.Y. until he acknowledges his hand in misogyny. Till then, black women will be waiting for him to answer “who you callin’ a bitch?!”
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